It’s all over except the shouting: no more lavish parties, high-stakes gambling trips to Vegas, or weekend shopping get-aways to Paris. For me, 2011 is going to be the “Year of Austerity” in which more pennies will be pinched than Playmates’ rear-ends by Hugh Hefner at a clothing-optional soiree hosted at the Playboy Mansion.

It’s actually worse than that: I didn’t do any of those things in 2010. Hell, I’ve never even been to Vegas or attended a lavish, black-tie-only party. I have, however, been to Paris. But only once and that was just for a 24-hour layover while en route to go live in a poor country—an experience that should come in handy as I seek to live more poorly in our relatively very wealthy country.

But it’s worse than that: I don’t even really have any pennies to pinch. And the only rear-end I’ll be pinching is my own as I cut back on those trips to Starbucks and struggle to remain conscious without the constant caffeine I.V. that nurtured me through 2010.

Like many of my fellow Americans, I don’t have pennies—I have debt. Like our government, I’ve been engaged in deficit spending. Deficit spending is like real spending, except that you walk around with rolls of Monopoly money in your pockets and pay for things with a plastic card, which is often gold in color to give you a false sense of wealthy confidence. That plastic card has a long string of numbers on it that, when added together and multiplied by your age, will yield the exact dollar amount owed to some corporate banking bookie who will bust your nuts and kneecaps with an iron-clad foreclosure notice if you don’t make your monthly minimum payment.

The only key differences between me and the government is that I don’t have a money printer down in the basement where I can just print up some more casheesh when I’m running low on dough and need another hit. Furthermore, I don’t have the political means nor the soulless cajones to rob my fellow Americans and disguise said robbery as a “bailout” that was done for their well-being.

It’s austere times like these that acutely remind me that I’m worth more dead than alive. Don’t take that the wrong way. That’s not a veiled suicide note, just an objective observation. Besides, my life insurance policy has a “suicide clause” that strictly prohibits me from profiting by killing myself. I’m contractually obligated to continue living here on Earth where I’m apparently allowed to carry on with killing myself slowly by working too hard and worrying too much about things like money. But I’m worth a million bucks if I stay the course and die of “natural causes” like a heart attack. So I’ve got that going for me.

“Austerity” was Merriam-Webster’s #1 Word of the Year for 2010. Defined as “enforced or extreme economy”, austerity, according to Merriam-Webster, “peaked dramatically several times throughout the year, as people’s attention was drawn to global economic conditions and the debt crises in Europe…”

“Austerity clearly resonates with many people,” said Peter Sokolowski, Editor at Large at Merriam-Webster. “We often hear it used in the context of government measures, but we also apply it to our own personal finances and what is sometimes called the new normal.”

Yes, it seems austerity is the new black that will replace the red in 2011. It’s all the rage and is often accompanied by rage against ourselves for having been so irresponsible, or rage against our government for having been so irresponsible, or rage about having punched the ballot that got all those fiscally irresponsible idiots elected in the first place. (Note to self-righteous Republicans: this economic shit-storm we’re sailing through started long before that African-American dude you shamelessly like to blame all of our country’s current woes on took the helm. Please just put down the dual-barreled rhetoric shotguns and back away slowly toward the mirror and do an about-face.)

So austerity is the in-thing in 2011 and I’m unhappy about that. But really America, let’s stop being a bunch of whiny douche bags. We’re better off than, oh, 99.99% of the rest of the world. Most of the rest of the world is a very poor and shitty place that, quite literally, smells like shit because there’s no indoor plumbing and the waste just piles up or is dumped conveniently into the same stream where you can take a bath and clean the pots and pans after dinner.

Buck up campers, buckle down, and enjoy the luxury of an austere year. Whatever austerity we’ll be feeling is nothing compared to the extreme poverty most other people in the world have been surviving day-in and day-out for their entire existence. They should be so lucky to merely have to undertake some austerity measures.